Okay, so you’ve got a list of educational apps, a virtual singalong with your child’s favorite musician at 3:00, and Amazon has just delivered the supply of books and toys you panic-ordered when it became clear that we were in this for the long haul.
This post was contributed by Amy Adler, who is a High School Educator, with Certifications in English and Special Education and a mom of two.
So how do I get my kid to participate when she would rather watch Disney+ all day? Here are some tips for getting our kids to engage, even when they refuse:
- Organize
Even if you started out your social distancing with a whiteboard colored with activities, the enthusiasm often peters out in time. Simplify your day, and maintain routine. Even if it feels like pulling teeth, there’s value in a short morning meeting (which mimics a preschool routine). Keep it simple, sit on the floor and sing songs about the days of the week, the months, and go over their daily activities. Give your kids a daily job. Reward them for completing all the activities. The younger they are, the simpler it should be. Three items on a checklist works. Make it achievable, and let them check the items off as tasks are completed.
- Incentivize
Allow your kid to choose a reward for completing tasks. A couple of mini-marshmallows is a small price to pay for my kid’s eager participation. I’d stay away from bribing my kid out of poor behavior choices, even if it works in the moment (ex. “Stop this tantrum right now, and you’ll get your unicorn cupcake!”). Rather, keep it positive (ex. “If you finish this hard puzzle, you earn your screen time!” or “First, I’ll choose a story to listen to on Youtube, and then you get to choose what we watch next!”).
- Choose
Let kids choose (between limited options). “Would you rather practice using safety scissors, or read your book first?” “Do you want help, or do you want to try it yourself?” “Do you want to do this now, or in 5 minutes?” Give them some control, and maybe they’ll take some ownership. Be sure to follow through, and make them feel like their choices matter.
- Model the behavior
You’ve set up the new board game, or logged into the new app, and now it’s kiddo’s moment to flick the spinner or click the portal which will magically transport him to another (educational) land, thus giving you the next hour off to catch up on Top Chef…Only your kid just left the game, wants another snack, and found your ipad hiding spot. Parents, we’ve got to get on their level, muster our enthusiasm, and model the activity for them. But I’m nearly forty, surely I know my letters by now, you’re thinking. No matter. Play the game, attend the concert, cheer them on as they navigate the app, and once they’ve got the hang of it with you, they might be ready to do it on their own.
- Age-appropriate Fun
Sometimes, what we think is age-appropriate and fun, just isn’t. If your kiddo isn’t reading chapter books at pre-school, she isn’t going to want to do this at home. If your kiddo isn’t writing his name yet, don’t expect him to be able to learn script just because you want him too. New activities are awesome, but be aware that just because you ordered it, doesn’t mean it isn’t anxiety-provoking. She will get there one day, maybe not today, during a pandemic, while you’re sheltering in place, and working from home to the tune of Andrew Cuomo’s updates. Sometimes, we must put aside the “curriculum” and build a pillow fort.
Ultimately, we’re not trying to “kill” time, we’re trying to fill time. And while we cannot replicate the social emotional learning that happens to our kids in preschools and playgroups, we can maintain some academic demands so that when social distancing ends, our kids are happy and ready to focus.